Remember when you were young and trying to buy alcohol and cigarettes and would be asked for identification to PROVE you were old enough to be engaging in the nefarious activity?
You know, I know you know. The days of too much makeup in an attempt to look older than you obviously were. The days of nervously shifting from one foot to the other and hoping that the bouncer, bartender or store person would not ask, hoping they would just let you in or give you what you wanted.
Remember the days of trying to act older than you were in an attempt to appear old enough but your misuse of innuendos gave you away?
Remember the days when being ‘carded’ became annoying because you actually were old enough to be in the club?
What about as you got older and had children? Remember how you would get really excited if some young hot male asked you for your identification while espousing that there was no way you could possibly be old enough to have a daughter and that you looked more like sisters?
Remember how you thought that was so fantastic and then you pictured yourself doing things to that young hot male that could land you in jail?
Well, if you can remember those days and you are not yet in the category of a ‘senior’ relish those memories, hold them, stroke them, love them, because one day, one day that will all end.
It happened to me shortly after I turned 55, yes 55 in some stores, restaurants, and businesses will garner you a discount. The first time I used this special, you are as old a dirt discount, was a few weeks back. I had forgotten that I was entitled to it.
I had been in a store that I frequent however the usual salespeople were not there so a new saleswoman (I use the word in political correctness, probably not more than 18) was assisting me. As she adds up my purchases and as I am about to hand her my credit card I remember that I can get a seniors discount and why not take advantage of 20% off.
I looked around to see who was close as if I was casing out the joint and about to engage in an illegal arms deal. I leaned in and with a deep gulp and in a timid voice I whispered that I would like the seniors discount. She did not hear me and had to ask me 2 times to repeat what I said until I was almost yelling that I wanted the seniors discount. She said ok.
I stood there completely dumbfounded!
Was she not going to ask me for identification?
All I heard was her deafening silence. Why was she not asking me to prove how old I was?
I waited for the polite platitudes of “you cannot possibly be old enough for that” and then I waited some more.
Her continued silence indicated she was not going to willingly offer that up so I did what any demoralized, pathetic woman grasping at her youth would do and I incredulously asked, “Do you not want to see my identification”? I said it with a sneer and as if she were the single dumbest person on the face of the earth. She barely looked up at me before I heard, “Oh no, I do not need to see YOUR identification”.
Do I really look like I am easily 55? When did that happen? How did that happen? Who do I need to see to make this, whatever this aging bullshit is, stop? Who do I need to see to get this younger than 20 something girl fired for not following story policy and asking to see the identification of a woman who clearly was not a senior and is trying to scam the store for 20%?
My hair is not blue, I do not wear elastic waist pants or Crocs, this can’t be happening!
I was stuck between shock and profound sadness, I mean I appreciate a good discount, who doesn’t but to get it because I look old enough for it was something else. What is next? No driving at dawn or dusk because it is hard to see? Oh, hang on, that is happening already.
O-H M-Y G-O-D I am old and I look old.
Suddenly visions of the early bird dinner were flashing before my eyes, but, but, but, I am still a hot woman in heels and tight pants and I am not, I repeat, not ready to be in this bracket but alas here I am.
It was one of those moments that will be forever in my mind, the day I did not get carded for being old!
I left the store with my 20% off goods in a bit of a bewildered daze as it, the reality of it, started to seep into my bones – I am old enough to get a senior discount.